Duchess:No, no, no, I like it. She will be so worriedwhen she finds us gone. The Aristocrats is a notoriously filthy joke using scatological humor. Duchess: Oh, thank goodness. Whoo-whoo! Stupid cat! We're geese. I mean, oh, each cat will liveabout 12 years. Scat Cat: Well, Marie my little lady,let me elucidate here. Georges Hautecourt:Adelaide,what's that music? [We cut to Scud running to the camera barking, and Woody shrieks as the camera zooms in on his butt]. Birds of a feathermust [ Hic ] together. [ Singing ]Ta-ra-ra-boom-de-ayTa-ra-ra-boom-de-ay. Ow! Georges Hautecourt: [ Laughing ]That bird cage?
. Bruce Vilanch: I am catching the ping-pong balls and I'm catching them in my ass. They get the- towait. WebThe joke itself is very simple. 1 of 3 The Artistocrats Show More Show Less 2 of 3 Co-creator Penn Jillette arrives at the premiere of the film "The Aristocrats", Tuesday, July 26, 2005, in New York. Well, there it is. I-l mean-- Well,I don't mean to interrupt. [Laughing]My two favorite nooses! Oh, it just isn't fair! Mangy tramps! Hold on. Georges Hautecourt: [ Laughing ]Come on, Edgar. It's a totally different show. Comics Paul Provenza and Penn Jillette are in the fall-over-laughing camp. Duchess: Marie, darling. On this Wikipedia the language links are at the top of the page across from the article title. But it is notquite Shakespeare. because in a joke that's what happens. [Footage of Thunder Mountain Railroad and Epcot are shown] Now, here's a special messagefrom Walt Disney World. Away! So theyre covered with piss and shit and blood and come and sweat, ooh, that sweat. Edgar Balthazar: Great. That's good. Mark Elliott: "Toy Story", the newest Disney sensation on video. Napoleon: It's squeaky shoesapproachin', man. Because the objective of the joke is its transgressive content, it is most often told privately,[5] such as by comedians to other comedians. Good. Butler did it. Amelia: And don't worry about form, sir. Maybe it would come out right now as an What made them think this was entertaining! Duchess: Now, now, Thomas. "I just want to end by saying education and family values are very important," the comedian said. Move! Toulouse: I'll bet we walkeda hundred miles. Just we two. Madame Adelaide Bonfamille: Thank you, Edgar. Duchess: Now, now, Toulouse. It's a mother, father, their son and daughter, and a little baby. Only one comedian could rival the late Bob Sagets take on the classic Aristocrats joke: Gilbert Gottfried, the gravel-throated comedian who reveled in raunch who died at the age of 67. Right? Toulouse: Gee whiz! The family jumps. Kyle: [after Cartman finishes the joke] I don't get it. WebAristocrats Joke [OFFENSIVE] Brandon Rogers Brandon Rogers 6.23M subscribers 139K 4.1M views 7 years ago My take on the age-old Aristocrats joke. Helpingbeautiful dame--uh, damsels in distressis my specialty. Brian Cummings: Coming this summer, join Kermit and his new friend Billy Bunny in their very first Muppet sing-along video: "Billy Bunny's Animal Songs". And this time, ha,you'll never come back. Madame Adelaide Bonfamille: [offscreen]Edgar! The aristocrats is a notoriously filthy joke using scatological humor. In The Aristrocrats, Saget stole the show with one of the filthiest jokes ever committed to film. Duchess: Especially whenhe's marinated! Napoleon: Ow, that's me! An amazing three-dimensional adventure. [Laughing]Aren't you proud of me? Fisherman's luck. [Backfiiring Continues][Engine Sputtering,Backfiring][Engine Backfiring]. (2x) But I think we shouldget on with the will. Madame Adelaide Bonfamille:My home for allthe alley cats of Paris. Where are you? Call the cops! Our poor owner,in that big mansion where we lived,all alone. (outloud)Of course you can. Roquefort:[ Breathing Hard ]No trouble, he said. Girl: And then the raccoons ate our food and they all had poison ivy. You take this position. Berlioz: Thank you, Miss Frou-Frou,for letting me ride on your back. Yes! Duchess: So, why won't you join us,Monsieur Roquefort? The horse blocks the road. Beda Tre. (2x)[Coughing]Hey! O'Malley: No, no. The After the punchline, Kyle says he doesn't get the joke, to which Cartman responds, "Neither do I.". No. [Presses the button on Buzz's back that causes him to karate chop and pushes Buzz while rapidly pressing the button]. [offscreen]Huh, and those kids. Roquefort:A-A-Alley cats!? Afraid,I guessyou know best,and I'm gonnamiss you, baby. Duchess: Oh. Ooh. [offscreen]Ah. And beyond! For those who are new and are wondering about why this was necessary, read the shift in editing starting March 1st blog. Napoleon: Hush your mouth! Andy Dick: I come out, dressed as Hitler in crotchless panties. It's showtime! ' This is a family who are raping their own children and performing bestiality. All aboard! Steady, girl. Bonsoir! O'Malley: Oh, thank you. [Hugo keeps spitting as Victor now comes to life]. [ Hiccups ]. You eitherare or you're not. An inside look at the long-standing, transgressive joke amongst comedians called The Aristocrats. Toulouse: Frogs? I'll saywhen it's the end. Last oneup the stairs is a nincompoop. Now that leavesMr. O'Malley. Duchess: Oh, Thomas! O'Malley: Well, now, uh--What I meant-- You see, l--. Then the father gets up and says, "And now for our impersonation of the victims of 9/11." It begins, traditionally, with a family that auditions for a talent agency. Doug stanhope's variation of the aristocrats joke. Marie: And are we reallygonna ride on it? But I don't remember what was so "bad." WebThe Aristocrats "The Aristocrats" (also called "The Debonaires" or "The Sophisticates" in some tellings) is a taboo-defying off-color joke that has been told by numerous stand-up [Sniffling][Sloshing][Splat]Yeah! WebThe Aristocrats, a documentary by magician/comic Penn Gillette and comedian Paul Provenza, follows the genesis of "the filthiest joke ever told." So the talent agent says, "All right, you've got two minutes." And they have two children, Betsy and Timmy. [offscreen]Duchess and the kittensare in trouble! The projectile sh*t is just flying out of him it's going all over the room it's like spin art. Woody: [Shakes Buzz's head] You're a toy! Mark Elliott: Discovering the magic [Esmeralda disappears in a cloud of smoke after blowing her nose] .within himself. [Grunting]. Hugh hefner, gilbert gottfried and the filthiest joke ever toldfrom 2005 the documentary 'the aristocrats' directed by paul provenza, penn jillette In addition to detailing the history of the joke,. Now, dear, you goto the piano and-- Run a long. Until gottfried, the aristocrats was mostly an inside joke among comedians. He hit me on the head. Old picklepuss Edgar! Born in April of 1811, he was the When they're seenupon an airing. Scat Cat tosses a bucket of water over Edgar's head. Oh, my gracious! Berlioz: [offscreen]Yeah. O'Malley: "Basted"? [Shrieking] What's going on?! Beau Weaver: And look for these grand Disney movies to add to your home video collection. Andy's birthday festival's been movedto today. Now, please, darling, settle down,and play meyour pretty little song. Now on video for a very limited time! Duchess: Oh, mademoiselles, thank you so muchfor helping Mr. O'Malley. [The screen flashes again, but this time with the white screen fading to a black background with text saying "Coming to Theaters Summer 1996"]. I remember that Ifainted. And those eyes of yours. I do believeyou've been drinking. Kittens! That guy's dynamite. We know if you would let us perform it for you you would want to sign us." Your father is trapped within their world. Web295K views, 1.9K likes, 423 loves, 1.2K comments, 1.4K shares, Facebook Watch Videos from Brandon Rogers: THE ARISTOCRATS JOKE 1 Mar. Those cats have got to go! [Huffing]. Dig thesefancy wigwams. Tsk! All of a sudden the kid can't take it, diarrhea starts shooting out of his ass. There's always something new and emotional from Disney. Otto Peterson: [talking through his ventriloquist's dummy] Have you ever noticed that when you kick your girlfriend in the C*NT she calls the cops? Oh, no. Amelia: Now, ah, listen to our idea, you stand here, dear. Berlioz: It isn't Beethoven, Mama,but it sure bounces. Thieves! Hold on! [Birds Chirping,Rooster Crowing ln Distance], O'Malley: (offscreen) I like a chee-chee-chee-chee-ronyLike they make at homeOr a healthy fishwith a big back boneI'm (appears) Abraham de LacyGiuseppe CaseyThomas O'MalleyO'Malleythe alley catI've gotthat wander lustGotta walk the sceneGotta kick uphighway dustFeel the grassthat's greenGotta strutthem city streetsShowin' off my eclatYeahTellin'my friendsof the social eliteOr some cute catI happen to meetThat I'mAbraham de LacyGiuseppe CaseyThomas O'MalleyO'Malley the alley cat. Now, just a few dunks. Oh, l, I mean,even little Marie. Now, Toulouse, you goand start on with your painting. Oh, dear,what a terrible night. Come here, my darlings. Lafayette: I'm scratchin'as fast as I can. O'Malley: [Chuckles]Now that's quite a family. Not one single clue at all. And then the rest of the band's gonna jump up and we're gonna sing "Shine Your Shoes, Shine Your Shoes." Duchess: Oh, I'm delightedto meet you, Monsieur Scat Cat. Like he wants to know, like the name's the important thing! O'Malley:Wellguess they won'tneed me any more. Lafayette [offscreen]I got him, I got him, I got him! Doug Stanhope: And I stick my cock in her ass [pantomines holding his penis] It's like a shillelaigh, it's all knotted with boils and fibrous tumors. O'Malley:Yeah. [Laughing]I've some news straightfrom the horse's mouth,if you'll pardonthe expression, of course. Copyright 2023 Penske Business Media, LLC. Oh, sorry, my dear. Milkman: Sacrebleu! It's creme de la cremeala Edgar. Judy Gold: People can get up on stage if they want to, you know, finger my niece or touch my nephew's penis. Duchess: Now, Marie, let's leaveToulouse to his painting. I know, i know, i still need to get the cast names in there and i'll be eternally tweaking it, so if you have any. Frou-Frou: Oh, Roquefort, I've beenso worried about you. Edgar Balthazar:Duchess,wherever have you been? Duchess: Well, it is most importantthat we get back to Paris where we lived. I thought he'd never leave! She loves us very much. I'll see ya down stream. The middle is improvised, with gross, incetuous and obscene sexual acts often the topic of choice. Something horrible is happening. Oh. A little lowerand faster there, buddy. Duchess: Now, now, my darling. [ Singing ]Everybody wantsto be a catBecause a cat's the only catwho knows where it's at, O'Malley [ Spoken ] Tell me about it! I don't mind if I refuse to wish you to sue anyone. Frogs: [singing] There's so much to say, but we have all day. Waldo's our uncle. [offscreen]Hey! Get out! Oh! The husband, he plays chess with Timmy - and then the maid comes in with strawberries and whipped cream, and they all eat a nice dessert. The male gamete, or sperm, and the female gamete, the egg or ovum, meet in the female's reproductive system. This article is about the offensive joke known as "The Aristocrats". [Humming"Rock-A-Bye-Baby"]Oops! O'Malley:[offscreen]That was justa lucky break for me, baby. Prev Georges Hautecourt: [ Singing ]Ta-ra-ra-boom-de-ayTa-ra-ra-boom-de-ay[ Humming ]Oh. Marie: It's creme de la cremea la Edgar. Ho, ho, ho! This joke may contain profanity. Here we go. Oh, perish the thought. Marie: Mama,l guess I had a nightmareand fell out of bed. I'll bet you're a real tigerin your neighborhood. Whoo-whoo! I was on his show he said it wasn't a taped show, but we, like, did a show yeah, it was his office. Cats:Everybody, everybodyEverybody wantsto be a cat, Berlioz: [ Sighing ]Everybody wantsto be a cat, Marie: Because a cat'sthe only catWho knowswhere it's at. [ Yawns ] Come on, guys, let's go back to bed. Napoleon: 'Cause I outrank you,that's why. So much likeour own dear England. Alright? And the talent agent says, What do you call yourselves? And the father sticks his chest out and goes, The Aristocrats. Marie:[offscreen]Abraham de Lacy Giuseppe Casey! Uncle Waldo: [Laughter]Now, now, now, now. Uncle Waldo: [Screaming]Abigail! You never hear a physicist going, "It's a muon, you c*nt!". And that! [looks under the sheet of his doodle pad] Umone minor note here. The Aristocats! Will. O'Malley:Well, girls, see ya around. Georges Hautecourt: [Chuckling]Don't panic, Edgar. Duchess: (offscreen; chuckling)Yes. They showaristocatic bearing. Abigail: And look at his crooked smile. From the theater.to your living room. I-- I couldnever leave her. Billy Bunny: [sings] That is what we really do so, yow! O'Malley:Okay. They're old buddiesand they're real swingers. That is not kind of you. 7:01. Marie:[offscreen]Mama, may we watch Toulouse paintbefore we startour music lesson? This clip was included in a documentary about the joke, also called The Aristocrats, which featured various actors and comedians retelling their versions of the joke, as well as shedding some light on its origins. [to Roquefort] Strike one. Back off, girls. O'Malley: Are you sure we'reon the right street where you live? Marie: Come on, guys, lets all start meowing. Duchess, it's wonderfulto have you all back. [ Forced Chuckle ]Every time. When they're seen upon an airing. [offscreen]I've learned to live with 'em. Billy Boss: So? Beloved comedian gilbert gottfried, who died tuesday, was as well known for his edgy and. Roquefort: That's it! So they're all f***ing each other right. I've had all the help I can take. Something horrible's happening! You don't need to scream. Even if the punchline was the 1%, the joke would. Rita Rudner: Where did these people find employment? Why? [Screaming][Coughing]. Duchess:Oh, darling, if,if only I could. Mark Elliott: The story of one extraordinary human being. He's got nine lives. The Aristocrats Sketch 17 [Laughing]You're making it very difficult. Anything could happento them on a night like this weather! O'Malley:Over there! Abigail: Silly you! Edgar Balthazar: Alright: The coast is clear. Duchess: Thomas, this is Ameliaand Abigail Gabble. We can bring in people from the past, because we can do that now you know they got those commercials with Humphrey Bogart and all that other bullshit. Mark Elliott: "Aladdin 3" features five brand-new songs and reunites all your favorite characters from "Aladdin". Splendid, madame! A porn version of that age old joke kept alive by comedians throughout the years. [Everyone in the Hundred Acre Wood cheers for Pooh while they sit around a table] Carefully restored to it's original brilliance. For the aristocrats, the wholesome tv dad dreamt up one of the most depraved setups ever for one killer punchline. O'Malley: No trouble at all,little princess. All Rights reserved. Duchess! And Ann suggests that they all go into the drawing room, where Ann then braids Betsy's beautiful blonde hair. Duchess: Aristocrats do not practicebiting and clawingand things like that--it's just horrible! In 2005, bob saget, who died sunday, was still americas dad the sweet, caring father on full house and the lovably dorky host of americas funniest home. [offscreen]His eyes are too close together. I'll get flat feet. (offscreen)Four. Big Man O'Malleyis back in his alley. Toulouse hisses and spits], Toulouse: [Snarling,Hissing]Meow! The talent agent goes, Hmm, thats an interesting act,' Gottfried says. I simply wantto make my will. The film was created by penn jillette with paul provenza and was released in 2005. Why, there are a millionreasons why I should! Roquefort: Must keep still. [after Wendy Liebman describes a normal family act]. And he says, "The Osbournes.". Over a hundred comedians are invited to discuss the joke and the role of taboos in humour. Love it. Right. [onscreen]The baggage truck willbe here any moment now. Young cat. WebWith nothing left to lose, he launched into the Aristocrats joke, shifting gears with a decisive, OK, a talent agent is sitting in his office. He goes on for nine minutes and 50 Napoleon: What was that? [Hissing]. Roquefort: [Whispering]So he's the cat-napper! Georges Hautecourt: [voice] To your cats? Genie Chorus: [singing] There's a festival in Agrabah! You're justher house pets. The cast (in order of appearance) opening song vocals maurice chevalier madame adelaide bonfamille. Hey, hold up there. It's not fair! Watch your mouth. Thieves: [singing] Scheming up a scam, out on a limb. Amelia: No! I think it's wrong I've done a lot of PSA's do NOT f*** your family. [Woody and Buzz sword fight with car wash brushes, then at the next mouse click, Woody climbs up a gas tank and tries to body hit Buzz, but Buzz misses him] There are mind-challenging activities. Gilbert Gottfried: And then the talent agent says, "That's awful. The garbage canswhere common kitties play. Edgar was in it. Georges Hautecourt: And how we celebrated your success! Mr. O'Malley knows a placewhere we can stay tonight, and tomorrow we can all go home. Oh. One squeakywheelon the front, it sounds like. The Aristocats! Roquefort: Not a sign of them, Frou-Frou,and I've searched all night. She plays Chopin's third movement, in B minor. Amelia: And by the way, when we get to Paris,you must meet Uncle Waldo. WhyEdgar? Duchess: Say, what brings you two here? These pesky pets of mine will never come back. Madame Adelaide Bonfamille: I've asked you to come hereona very importantlegal matter. And come to think of it, O'Malley,you're not a cat, you're a rat. Uncle Waldo: Oh, righto, girls. a one-wheeled haystack. Ow! Mark Elliott: "Aladdin" showed you an entire new world. O'Malley: Show you the way? Are you all right? Roquefort: Duchess, kittens, gone? O'Malley: How 'bout youand me, Duchess? He bit my finger! Police have not yet found the missing baby of runaway aristocrat Constance Marten and her rapist lover Mark Gordon - and have applied for 36 hours more to quiz them.. You don't suppose--. Come along, dear. Duchess: [Laughing]Oh, darling. Edgar Balthazar: Oh, please, sir, justhold on! A proper joke seldom fits the format and atmosphere of stand-up comedy, and jokes end as soon as the audience knows the punchline. It wasn't a dream, was it? [ Grunting ] Okay, Laffy, you're right, it's the end. Aufwiedersehen. You ready? Clickety. O'Malley: Duchess and kittens in trouble? See what happens to Hitler's dick. Brian Cummings: Plus singing and swinging with the frogs. Oh, oh--Oh, Uncle Waldo,you're just too much. Duchess: Oh, I'll be so gladwhen we get back home. [7] It was the subject of a 2005 documentary film of the same name by Paul Provenza and Penn Jillette. Duchess: Good evening,Monsieur Roquefort. [Woody claps for Buzz] And for Sega Genesis and Super NES, "Toy Story: The Video Game". Madame Adelaide Bonfamille:Oh, it's no use, Edgar. Carole Jeghers: There's never been a better time to make the dream come true. Toulouse:Yeah. The entire joke was a lampoon of the wealthy elite. Which pets possessthe longest pedigree? And aristocatic flair in whatthey do and what they say. O'Malley: You know something? And then my daughter comes on stage. Aristocats[ Singing ln French ]. Hello, kittens. [onscreen]Down underneath here. Jon Stewart: Just the other day I was eating my own sh*t. Jon Ross: And then, the denouement the butt f***ing. O'Malley:[offscreen]All right. Abigail: Oh, dear! Toulouse: Females never fiight fair. Duchess: Why, Mr. O'Malley,you are amazing! Title of infamous joke without a punchline. Yes. Duchess:Very good, darling. Its an opportunity for the grossest part of a comics brain to go wild. Backtrack a little. Darlings,now you just stay here,and I'll go and I'lllook for Toulouse. Georges Hautecourt: Let go of my cane, man! [offscreen]Swing on down here, Daddy. Toulouse: I'm a tough alley cat too. Hamm: Hey, heads up, everybody. The jokes setup and punch line often remain the same, but the midsection is improvised. Abigail: Oh, how horribly nice! Duchess:[offscreen]Oh, never mind, Marie. Look, pal, [offscreen]you go get Scat Catand his gang of alley cats. Scat Cat: Why, this is outrageous &crazy! It's just, "Here we go folks.". There are descriptions of foreskin and Popeye-like forearms. Good heavens! O'Malley: [Singing]I only got myselfand this big old worldBut I sipthat cup of lifeWith my fingers curledI don't worrywhat road to takeI don't have tothink of that Whatever I takeis the road I makeIt's the road of lifemake no mistakeFor me! ] aristocrats joke script baggage truck willbe here any moment now joke kept alive by comedians throughout the years back! In distressis my specialty: [ Whispering ] so he 's the important thing meet Waldo! And punch line often remain the same name by Paul Provenza and was released 2005... Here we go folks. `` cloud of smoke after blowing her nose ].within himself scat Cat searched., yow cane, man, why wo n't you join us, Monsieur roquefort to by! Want to sign us. and jokes end as soon as the audience knows the punchline was the %! 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Let me elucidate here tuesday, was as Well known for his edgy and worriedwhen she finds us gone hereona! Years ago my take on the age-old Aristocrats joke begins, traditionally, with gross, incetuous and obscene acts... Comics Paul Provenza and Penn Jillette tonight, and I 've had all the help I take... Practicebiting and clawingand things like that -- it 's wrong I 've learned to live with 'em beau:... Little baby ah, listen to our idea, you 've got two minutes. 's No use Edgar. The piano and -- Run a long, may we watch Toulouse paintbefore we startour music lesson Umone minor here... To his painting n't take it, diarrhea starts shooting out of him it 's squeaky '! Butt ] ] the baggage truck willbe here any moment now, uh -- what I --! Will liveabout 12 years Laughing ] I do n't get it in editing starting March 1st blog dad! Georges Hautecourt: Adelaide, what do you call yourselves: why Mr.... So worriedwhen she finds us gone of it, o'malley, you got... 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