Want to Be Happy About Returning to Work? JANE: Yes. People have a patronizing attitude and exhibit condescending behavior for different reasons, but usually, it boils down to insecurity and/or arrogance. To whoever you're speaking to, the implicit message is, 'I know important people, ergo I'm important.' Examples of Condescending Behavior at Work Condescending people make us feel bad about ourselves with their tone of voice and patronizing attitude. If theyve done something thats (actually!) These people will often talk about things like the expensive meals they had recently, then express sympathy at the fact that others around them probably dont even know what X is (like beluga caviar or Kobe beef), let alone know what it tastes like. Related: 15 Things Men Say That Get on Women's Nerves. To help you out, weve put together a list of tools and strategies you can use to better deal with a difficult boss. This kind of backhanded compliment can feel worse than getting no praise at all. This image may not be used by other entities without the express written consent of wikiHow, Inc.
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\u00a9 2023 wikiHow, Inc. All rights reserved. Here are 12 types of workplace behaviors to consider: 1. document.getElementById( "ak_js_3" ).setAttribute( "value", ( new Date() ).getTime() ); document.getElementById( "ak_js_4" ).setAttribute( "value", ( new Date() ).getTime() ); Privacy Policy | Terms & Conditions A subtle form of bullying, being patronised can leave you feeling infuriated and impotent. A condescending person tends to explain things, even simple things that most people already knew. We and our partners use data for Personalised ads and content, ad and content measurement, audience insights and product development. Once they are no longer the center of attention, you can say, discreetly, "Do you say debut "dee-butt?' Were committed to providing the world with free how-to resources, and even $1 helps us in our mission. Entrepreneur and its related marks are registered trademarks of Entrepreneur Media Inc. From calling people 'chief' to saying you 'actually' like someone's idea, here are some patronizing behaviors to avoid. For example, a supervisor or coworker who calls a member of their team "Sweetheart" or "Kiddo" can make the other person feel degraded and uncomfortable. Explaining Stuff You Already Know This person will explain things like they're offering you valuable knowledge. Although its tempting to give the offender a piece of your mind, remaining calm is the best response. EMPLOYEE 1 (Jack): Overall, this campaign resulted in a 25% increase in our target audience over the last four weeks. If you dont give them the satisfaction of knowing that they have irritated you, they might simply stop being condescending. Grow up is not a response that is likely to make the situation any better as it pushes a whole lot of psychological buttons that are better off left alone. There are all kinds of people who are unpleasant to be around-Debbie downers, complainers, jealous green monsters, mean-spirited snarks, and most anyone who wears neon sunglasses- but if you walk away from another person feeling worse about yourself, there's a good chance you've been dealing with a condescending person. If your boss sends you an email that says, I need this now not later this week it really could just be that theyre in a rush and just need something quickly. A more appropriate response could be I dont appreciate the way youre speaking with me, your manner seems quite patronising to me. Finding yourself in this situation is annoying, because the other person has, for whatever reason, assumed that you don't possess the same knowledge, and sometimes emotional intelligence, they do. I don't think it was right for Jack to spread false information. The thing is, you should have bought more interesting snacks. If your manager speaks to you condescendingly because of your race, gender or other protected characteristic, then that could be illegal discrimination, but if they're just generally condescending, it's legal. Every workplace contains a wide variety of people who behave in different ways. It really bothers me when I try to talk to someone who knows that I have autism. Thats the entire intention, really. Passionate about making Qigong more accessible to people, Frank is the author of "Qigong: The Quick & Easy Start-Up Guide." I enjoyed it. He seemed fine at first. By What starts as a simple chat can manifest into dishonourable behaviour when left to linger. His condescending attitude made it clear Steve thought he was superior to all of the other interns. Although its tempting to give the offender a piece of your mind, remaining calm is the best response. Its generally used as a means of dominance (of course), in which theyre asserting that theyre going to say or do whatever they please because theyre top dog in this situation. Be sure to read Lynnes books on how to handle tough conversations. People are creators of habit and helping each other out of harmful communication habits and power dynamics is a worthwhile aim. Subscribe to our daily or weekly email for news and analysis that will get you thinking in the morning. Show empathy, respect, and appreciation for others. Examples of this type of behavior can include: Being late for meetings or appointments without an acceptable excuse Displaying a lack of respect for colleagues, superiors, clients and customers MANAGER: Jane, I think it would be best if we allow Jack to finish explaining his interaction with the customer. If it helps, try practicing what youre going to say in front of a mirror so you can rehearse it. The one saying it believes that their choices are the correct ones, and they will sneer at and be condescending to everyone who doesnt share their beliefs. Calling other men "Chief," "Boss" or "Big Guy" is a weird sort of faux-submission posturing. JANE: He was stumbling. It implies that the other person is being melodramatic or otherwise emotionally unstable, thus invalidating anything they have to say. Still, at least now you know what to look out for. Also, be careful not to reply to a condescending person with more condescension. If someone says that a suggestion you have is actually a good idea, then theyre implying that everything you usually say is not. Someone will just jump in and offer both their opinion and advice when literally nobody asked for it. A Fortune study found that women were 17 times more likely than men to be described as abrasive. Lets say youre in a work environment and youre assigned to be the leader or manager for a particular project. The news site of the Australian HR Institute. This is a common remark used to dismiss or undermine someone elses emotions and reactions. Davis is currently the CEO of Musk's transportation company, The Boring Company. In school, boys are encouraged to take more air time. Flying off the handle only makes the other person believe that their behaviour is justified. Apparently, the goal in using this approach is to make the critique a bit more gentle and less harsh, but it ends up being incredibly condescending and demeaning instead. Disrespectful behavior is any kind of conduct that is thought to be disrespectful or rude. This article was co-authored by Frank Blaney. Go ahead Jack. Remarking on Someone's Appearance Calling Out Someone's Natural Expression Implying Someone Didn't Prepare Enough Questioning Someone's Success Publicly Belittling People's Ideas Using a Pet Name in Particular Situations Suggesting Teachers Are Less Capable While these monikers may be considered cute or sweet when dealing with a child or a pet Pekingese, theyre incredibly demeaning when directed toward another adult. They're talking at you, wide-eyed, offering each key point like a gift -"so after almost 30 years in prison, he won the Nobel Peace Prize" - and you hardly have the heart to derail their monologue and say, "Uh yeah, I know who Nelson Mandela is.". This image may not be used by other entities without the express written consent of wikiHow, Inc.
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\u00a9 2023 wikiHow, Inc. All rights reserved. Stay calm and centered during the conversation even if your employee . What to do if your boss belittles you in front of others? This final example of condescending behavior is one of the worst, and also one of the most common. Basically, its negative or critical feedback sandwiched between two compliments. Its often done by older family members or competitive colleagues, and it involves them interrupting you when youre speaking or simply changing the subject and talking over you like you dont exist. Sep 12, 2022 This means avoiding sarcasm, muttering things under your breath and raising your voice. However finding a respond that will both make you feel heard and confident that it wont happen again, is important. The company VP was horrified. This image may not be used by other entities without the express written consent of wikiHow, Inc.
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\u00a9 2023 wikiHow, Inc. All rights reserved. Those odds aren't probably worth going up against. If the belittling behaviour continues, however, its best to, If you continue to insinuate that I am unintelligent, we wont be able to work together. (And then follow through on your warning.). [1] Try focusing on taking deep, controlled breaths to help keep yourself calm. Flying off the handle only makes the other person believe that their behaviour is justified. We've all been in a conversation that's moving along just fine, when suddenly you find yourself whisked off on an unexpected detour, riding out someone's impassioned explanation of something that you already know. Example 1 EMPLOYEE 1 (Jack): Overall, this campaign resulted in a 25% increase in our target audience over the last four weeks. Furthermore, its unwarranted: theres nothing that cant be said or done with decency and respect instead of condescension, but treating others well doesnt plump up ones own ego, does it? We use cookies to personalise content, provide social media features, and analyse traffic. Trivializing. Leadership behavior. Calmly and professionally call out the patronizing person without making a scene or being dramatic by pointedly yet politely saying, "Gee, that comment sounded a bit condescending to me. Keep in mind that it is a purely professional situation. So the chummy nicknames most people find condescending end up being pretty exclusionary, too. At that point, she switched to speaking German (which is her mother tongue), and asked if it was in fact X book that they were looking for, since they had been unable to pronounce the author or title properly. 28 September 2021. https://www.forbes.com/sites/work-in-progress/2012/07/03/how-to-deal-with-a-condescending-boss/?sh=8852f61523f3, https://hbr.org/2018/01/how-to-deal-with-a-passive-aggressive-boss, https://hbr.org/2014/12/the-right-way-to-bring-a-problem-to-your-boss, https://www.growthbusiness.co.uk/6-ways-counter-condescending-boss-2548689/, https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/understand-other-people/201802/dealing-difficult-boss, https://www.fastcompany.com/40411173/how-to-handle-your-bosss-condescension. To provide inspiration, weve include four different scenarios, with sample dialogue, to help you prepare for difficult conversations with your employees. There are 7 references cited in this article, which can be found at the bottom of the page. They usually feel weak and disempowered, so they try to make others feel small to prop themselves up. Steps to deal with condescension at work This sort of "sigh, shame-on-you" comment can be used in all kinds of situations but is almost always seen as a condescending remark. Ill make it my number one priority.. "Even 10- and 15-year-olds know it doesn't feel good when someone is texting when they're talking to them." 9. If someone is in the middle of a thought, you should definitely not interrupt to correct their pronunciation. No matter who you're speaking to, when you tell someone to "Take it easy," you're suggesting that their excitement, concern or general response to something is either excessive or invalid. MANAGER (visibly confused/taken aback): What do you mean youve been waiting? JANE: I guess I could've told him in private after the meeting and had him email a list of errors to the participants. Last Updated: December 16, 2022 When communicating with a coworker, it's helpful to remember that you're discussing professional matters. When one is on the receiving end of feedback like that, one feels like a pet or a child whos being given false praise, while simultaneously being insulted. Example: I don't think you have what it takes. Furthermore, the one calling them by those names will intensify that behavior instead of desisting in it, doing things like using the short forms in group emails, in board meetings, and so on. Need inspiration on how to give feedback? Not only is it demeaning, its frustrating and even dehumanizing. You can just learn people's actual names. In most cases, the common minority group responses to prejudice include avoidance, deviance, defiance, and acceptance. Whether you're talking about how Jack Dorsey was at your yoga retreat last weekend, or how you're on a first-name basis with Chrissy Teigen's sister's husband, you're always going to come across as seeming like you think famous people are pretty important. 23 Signs He Doesnt Want To Lose You (That Cant Be Faked), A Work Boyfriend Will Mess With Your Relationship (Cut It Out! If you "actually" like something, you can just say you like it. Plus, those nicknames are almost always gender-exclusive; a male boss isn't going to call his female employee "chief" (and hopefully in 2022 he knows not to call any woman besides his wife "honey"). Condescension can be a feature of the Mr. wikiHow is where trusted research and expert knowledge come together. Some people you'll click with instantly, while others might rub you the wrong way. Furthermore, theyll assume that if you look or behave a certain way (i.e., differently than they do), then you must not have the same level of knowledge about a particular topic as they do. JANE: As much as I want everything to be right, I'd choose the other right now. For example, condescending people wouldn't see what they said as rude or offensive because they don't see it from other people's point of view. JANE: Maybe he didn't practice his presentation enough? Mansplaining is one such example. If you try to establish that the role was given to you, theyll likely tell you to relax (see above) or laugh at you, implying that youre behaving like a child who thinks someone took their ice cream away. This response allows for the employee to explain themselves as well as allows them to rephrase any concerns they may have appropriately and respectfully. Maybe we could make it a new policy so everyone is on the same page.. Try not to come off as sarcastic. As an example, I was accused of plagiarism as a child because a paper I submitted was of a higher caliber than those of my peers. For instance, if your boss says something like, I really need you to get this done more quickly than you usually do your work, you could say, No problem! How to Write an Email or Letter to Your Boss, 14 Signs That Your Boss Is Sidelining You at Work (And What to Do about It), 11 Signs Your Boss Doesnt Like You & How to Win Them Over. To view the purposes they believe they have legitimate interest for, or to object to this data processing use the vendor list link below. It's fine to be excited that you found yourself in the presence of a celebrity or powerful figure. Examples of condescending phrases We all know that feeling of being undermined, insulted, and patronized. You don't have to give a compliment to give a critique. Beat around the bush. The Double Down sandwich originally debuted in 2010. They might not even be aware they were doing it. Selective deafness is always an option. For instance, if your boss says, I asked you to send this report out in the mail today and you couldnt do the one thing I asked you. Whatever you do, don't storm off or get angry. This image is not<\/b> licensed under the Creative Commons license applied to text content and some other images posted to the wikiHow website. Both coworkers prefer the long forms of their names and introduce themselves as such. wikiHow, Inc. is the copyright holder of this image under U.S. and international copyright laws. If others dont laugh, they try to brush them off as jokes. Theyll also tell others to just stop. In doing so, they are implying that you dont have a sense of humor or that you need to lighten up or get over yourself. Perfect and His Crazy Wife dynamic, or of a similar dynamic in gender-reverse, the long suffering wife and the man-child. Instead, focus on staying as calm as you can. They embody elitism and behave as though having money and certain life experiences makes them a superior human being. {"smallUrl":"https:\/\/www.wikihow.com\/images\/thumb\/2\/27\/Deal-with-a-Condescending-Boss-Step-2.jpg\/v4-460px-Deal-with-a-Condescending-Boss-Step-2.jpg","bigUrl":"\/images\/thumb\/2\/27\/Deal-with-a-Condescending-Boss-Step-2.jpg\/aid12653730-v4-728px-Deal-with-a-Condescending-Boss-Step-2.jpg","smallWidth":460,"smallHeight":345,"bigWidth":728,"bigHeight":546,"licensing":" \u00a9 2023 wikiHow, Inc. All rights reserved. 8. Let the employee try to explain what they mean, this allows employees to reflect and in the instances where there were no bad intentions, allows the employee to realize the condescending nature of their behavior. It's important to be direct when talking about your employee's development and growth. They might be acting completely calmly and rationally, but are basically being toldalbeit indirectlyto shut up because theyre embarrassing themselves and everyone else. Manage your time effectively. By understanding the different types of workplace behaviors employees may have, managers can help their teams increase performance and complete work tasks more effectively. There is no faster way to break someone's momentum or crater their confidence than to interrupt and say, "Um, it's actually "essss-presso,' not "ex-presso.'" As such, if someone else makes a mistakebe that mispronouncing a word, using an incorrect term, getting a historical date wrong, and so ontheyre utterly delighted by the opportunity to prove that person is an idiot and theyre superior to them. Who hasnt bridled at being spoken to condescendingly? This image is not<\/b> licensed under the Creative Commons license applied to text content and some other images posted to the wikiHow website. Providing constructive feedback to employees can be difficult, but when done properly it is very beneficial. The overcorrecting employee corrects even the most trivial things. Avoid the temptation to snap back or get upset about your boss's condescending behavior or words. MANAGER: I am trying not to overwhelm you with information. These are also known as compliment sandwiches, which doesnt encompass their true nature quite as well. This image may not be used by other entities without the express written consent of wikiHow, Inc. \u00a9 2023 wikiHow, Inc. All rights reserved. This is an ancient and highly transparent method for communicating superiority from a condescending coworker. Here are some examples of their behavioral patterns. Flying off the handle only makes the other person believe that their behaviour is justified. Similarly, if they tell you that dinner was actually delicious, that suggests they think you usually cook things that taste like unseasoned badger meat in mud sauce. 3. Originally published Its a type of behaviour that cuts across generations. Lets have this conversation at another time. The important thing to remember is that respectful two-way conversations involve reading cues from the other person. This image is not<\/b> licensed under the Creative Commons license applied to text content and some other images posted to the wikiHow website. EMPLOYEE 2 (Jane): Actually it was 27% increase, I saw that in the spreadsheet. Effectively addressing the behavior and providing regular feedback to employees will ensure a healthy, happy and productive workplace for all. It's annoying as you can feel that the other person assumes that you don't possess the same knowledge they do. "It sounds like you're surprised that the [person] had a good idea or thought, like you. Many complaints about bullying involve what complainants label as condescending or demeaning behavior. And they dont take itRead more . 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Former UK prime minister David Cameron famously faced a backlash after telling a female member of the opposition party to calm down.. You can set a great example for some of your newer co-workers with your knowledge. They want to make the other person seem like a childish idiot who doesnt know what theyre talking about or deserve any degree of respect or courtesy. Allow All Cookies. We provide both training and coaching on the subjects of condescending and demeaning behavior. If you disagree with their lifestyle choices, it's usually best to mind your own business. Moreover, not being overly black and white about your judgments will make others perceive you as more reasonable, empathetic, and attuned to nuance - all qualities that make people more receptive to your feedback in the first place. Youll often get this type of remark from someone who considers themselves to be more intelligent or well-educated than you are. French is weird." There are plenty of things you can do to get along with a condescending boss, even if it means going over their head to put an end to it. Try asking other co-workers if your boss is behaving condescendingly if you arent sure. An older person can talk down to a younger colleague, but it can just as easily happen the other way around. And it's true that a spoonful of sugar helps the medicine go down sometimes. EMPLOYEE 2 (Jane): Actually it was 27% increase, I saw that in the spreadsheet. They might happen between family members, colleagues, friends, or complete strangersall depending on circumstance and what's going on around them. There are countless others, and although theyll be related to those mentioned here, theyll differ depending on your situation, culture, and so on. That person might speak 10 languages, but if they mispronounced a single word, theyll be considered stupid by a condescending native speaker. But if you find that people continually patronise you, keeping resentment bottled up inside isnt the best option either. (The Truth), Empaths In Relationships: 15 Tips For Happy And Healthy Love, Copyright A Conscious Rethink. 3) Giving unsolicited advice So when someone tells a woman to "Take it easy," she'll likely feel like that person is saying she's "over the top" or "dramatic." Its HR that needs the lessons dispensed to, not the other way around which is the problem. 1. Copyright 2023 Entrepreneur Media, Inc. All rights reserved. Expert Interview. document.getElementById( "ak_js_1" ).setAttribute( "value", ( new Date() ).getTime() ); document.getElementById( "ak_js_2" ).setAttribute( "value", ( new Date() ).getTime() ); HR staff usually are the worst at communication and the first to patronize. Examples Of Discrimination In Remember The Titans. Negative Punishment is the act of removing a stimulus to remove a certain behavior. We'll start by defining exactly what negative punishment is. MANAGER: Do you think your follow-up question had anything to do with that? In Remember the Titans, the general response from the minority group was not deviance. This is one of the rudest and most condescending behaviors out there, and its beyond infuriating when someone does it to you. One of your coworkers believes themselves to be better suited to this role than you, so they refuse to acknowledge your leadership. New Reasons for the Labor Shortage, Do You Know How to Have Conversations That Convert? We all have the right to feel valued and respected at work. 2. A remark that trivializes your feelings, thoughts, experiences, or accomplishments, making you feel unimportant, invalidating your feelings or downplaying your accomplishments. Anyone with a shred of self-awareness will take that cue to track down the right pronunciation, and if they don't bother, then going forward, it's not worth your time to correct them anyway. They might happen between family members, colleagues, friends, or complete strangersall depending on circumstance and whats going on around them. Taking yourself out of the situation allows you as the manager to evaluate the employees' intentions: Mental distance provides you with the clarity to respond appropriately and effectively to every situation. 5 More than two-thirds (70%) of respondents reported a link between these behaviors and medical errors and poor . In order to undermine another person or try to make them feel small, someone might call them a pet name such as sweetheart, sugar, darling, cupcake, sweetie, and so on.
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\n<\/p><\/div>"}. This image is not<\/b> licensed under the Creative Commons license applied to text content and some other images posted to the wikiHow website. You may also come across them in a work environment. Others are likely to find this behavior condescending and a bit pathetic. It can be really tough and frustrating to interact with someone whos being condescending, but its important that you dont shut down or mentally check out. Correcting, interrupting, and using overfamiliar nicknames are all examples of condescending behaviour In the office and at home, you'll encounter an array of personalities. This image is not<\/b> licensed under the Creative Commons license applied to text content and some other images posted to the wikiHow website. Still, if you've been told you have a condescending streak, here are some eye-roll-worthy behaviors to discontinue. If this is happening regularly, point it out to the person. How do you respond to condescending remarks? The fast-talking 'Suits' attorney has a lot to say about what it takes to succeed in business and life. This image may not be used by other entities without the express written consent of wikiHow, Inc.
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